is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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