All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
