I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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