He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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