Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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