I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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