at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I will be naked everywhere
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
