At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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