god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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