do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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