Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
