Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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