Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
