It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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