garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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