He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Randomize
