he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
