That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
