My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
