how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
It's official drugs can't kill me
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
