Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
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