you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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