She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
