well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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