If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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