i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
