Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
