Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
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