How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
