apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
