True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
