i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
