awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
