I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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