After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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