Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize