I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
