im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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