His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
