The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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