she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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