dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
