Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Just high enough for therapy.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize