Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
