I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
