Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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