and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
