I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
