Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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