Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
