i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
