Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
