Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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