sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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