hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
We just shotgunned beers for America
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
