well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Sorry about my life...
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
