eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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