I just saw a hot homeless man
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
