Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Drunk is a universal language darling
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