The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
