I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
