At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
