i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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