i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
