I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
