You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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