I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
