you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
