She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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