she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize