He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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