Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
