I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize