Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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