So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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