had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
