My hair reeks of homosexuality.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Randomize
