She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
