I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
