i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Randomize
