People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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